I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
