anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
