I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
