my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
