I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
