She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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