my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize