you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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