Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
