the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
