i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
