New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
