So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
