He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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