I wish my penis had an off switch
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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