i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
