i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
