I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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