We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
