sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
