I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
