Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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