Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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