In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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