I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
