I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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