forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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