I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
