Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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