you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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