sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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