I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
