I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do vagina's smell?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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