Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
