she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
