i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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