Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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