btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
