Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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