I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
