I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can Purell be used as lube?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
