talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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