I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
