in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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