I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
