mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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