This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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