you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
