i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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