No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
