Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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