just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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