I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
