i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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