moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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