im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize