dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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