Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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