I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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