He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
