I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize