I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
