Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
