I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
