I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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