How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where is the hickey?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
