I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize