We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
