Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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