We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
