this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
