We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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