Tell her she can't have a vagina
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
