i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
