Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
