i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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