i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
