He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
