I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
