Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
