When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize