is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Boobs are out for the taking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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