I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize