She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
