It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
