she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
