I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
