So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
