Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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