worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
