whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
