okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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