He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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