it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
