Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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