it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
