A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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