Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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